Last night I had a dream in which I was very heavily pregnant, and it seemed to be progressing really quickly, so that I was rapidly nearing my delivery date. So what does it mean? Maybe that our adoption process is getting closer and closer to delivery? Or maybe that I’m becoming more prepared for this baby to enter our lives? At times along the way I have questioned whether I was ready for a baby. But as the adoption process has drawn out (longer than we originally thought), I have increasingly recognized and acknowledged the longing in my heart to become a mom, and I now feel much more “ready” than I did earlier this year.
Recently another childless friend and I were talking about our marriages. We came to the conclusion that while our lives are “good” and “fulfilling” as they are, there is still this hole where children should be. We might be “fine” as childless couples, but at the same time we acknowledge that 10 years from now, there would still be a big longing for that missing piece if we didn’t add children to our families. Recognizing those longings has really helped me to deal with the fears that I as a “yet-to-be” mom experience from time-to-time when I think about all the changes coming. No, my easy day-to-day life with my husband will not be the same, but I am hopeful that the love and joys of parenthood will far outweigh the difficulties of newborn care and sleep deprivation that I know are coming.
That’s the problem with becoming first-time parents in our 30’s rather than our 20’s – I am much more aware of the hard parts that are coming as I have watched my many friends experience the infancy through early childhood of their kids. Yet, as my dream reminded me, there’s a part of me that’s truly ready for this adoption process to birth our baby dream. So keep dreaming and praying with and for us. The dream is there just waiting for a matching reality.
1 comment:
Before we got David's referral I had this very vivid dream about giving birth to a baby boy. Don was there with me and we were looking at our baby. The only surprise in the dream was that I had a boy. I always thought I'd have a girl if I got pregnant. It was such a peaceful dream. I can still remember that peaceful feeling when I think about it. I didn't keep track of when I had that dream, but thinking back, it could have been around the time David was conceived. Either way, it gave me hope that I was going to have a baby someday- and sure enough, it was a boy!
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